BREXIT: I’M ALLOWED TO FEEL HEARTBROKEN

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I never really write about politics, or things going on in the news. Most of the time I don’t feel like I know enough.

But this time it’s different. This time it’s not about knowledge or beliefs, it’s about feelings.

This time I’m personally affected. My emotions are invested and I feel like I really need to write this out and get it off my chest before I can start to heal and think ahead to the future.

As my UK readers (hopefully!) know, and my international readers may have heard: the UK has voted to leave the European Union.

And right now I am heartbroken.

And you know what else? (Sorry Mum, swear incoming): I’m fucking allowed to be.

I am allowed to feel upset, and angry, and sad. I am allowed to feel let down, pissed off, rejected, divorced and bereaved. I am allowed to feel hurt.

My entire life has revolved around the EU and the concept of free movement. My parents moved to Spain when I was just 3 weeks old. I came back to the UK to study and work. I’ve travelled to many European cities. My life would not look anything like it does now without the EU.

I would not have met some of my best friends. I would not have learned languages, experienced new cultures, and studied different subjects. I wouldn’t have had most of the opportunities I’ve had in my life, without the existence and assistance of the EU.

So I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve just come back from spending my afternoon coffee break locked in a toilet sobbing. Because it suddenly hit me that… it’s happened. We have actually done this.

Whatever the future of this decision, it has been made and there is no turning back and no second chances.

And like it or not, this is going to reshape our entire lives – some of us more than others.

I have to hope that it will be OK. I have to hope that the experts will be proved wrong, that the Conservatives will elect a strong, open-minded, straight-talking new leader who can negotiate and create something positive out of this utter chaos.

I have to hope that we can work out a deal where families don’t have to be uprooted and torn apart; where I can one day move back to what I consider home, if I want to; and where my children and grandchildren can travel, visit family and open their minds to the rest of Europe, without having to sell their souls for visas.

I’m not optimistic. Right now there is too much unknown and unplanned for me to feel optimistic.

And I am upset.

I am also very very sick of people saying that I need to not be upset.

I’ve heard everything today, from “move on” and “get over it” to “well, what’s the point in crying over it?”.

But why does there have to BE a point? When is there EVER a point to heartbreak?

Because that is what today means to me. Today is heartbreak.

Today means having something that I truly love, something that has been a massive corner-stone of my life, something that has given me opportunities, education, a career, friendship and love, pulled out from under my feet.

It feels like something kicked me in my chest. And, quite frankly, I’m really tired of people devaluing my feelings and telling me that it doesn’t matter. Yes, it’s a political situation, but this particular political situation has been messy, emotional and very personal, right from the start.

It may not be the end of the world. You may not give a shit. You may have voted one way or the other, and quite frankly: it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done. It’s over.

But that doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to cry and rage and grieve.

It doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to feel hurt.

Tomorrow we’ll sit down and start to figure out where we go from here.

But today I am heartbroken.

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  • You just made me cry all over again. I love you. Tomorrow, we will build!

  • Also remember, it was a small majority. So there is a huge ‘minority’ who wanted to stay. That huge minority are the people you can have faith in and who won’t let this country go to shit. Luckily the majority of MPs in parliament wanted to stay. Luckily the people who run the country, our economy and our government are (mostly) intelligent people who will work to make this less of a disaster.

    With you on the feeling miserable front. But we are not alone!

  • I couldn’t agree more – I’ve been told numerous times today to deal with it and that it’s a democracy but almost half of the UK doesn’t want to leave, including me :( x

    http://www.ofbeautyandnothingness.co.uk

  • I feel sick, I am just going to go to bed and pull the duvet over my head, I can’t process this today.

  • Preach it, Katy. I am so disappointed with the result – I felt sick when I found out. And I don’t understand it when people scoff at those of us who have expressed our sadness and anger. Surely it’s a good thing that people actually care about what’s going on? It’s been a rough day, sending love ♥ xx

  • reneejessome

    Sorry, I’m not very well educated when it comes to politics- what does it mean now that the UK left the European Union? I’m sorry you’re feeling sad <3

    Renee | Life After Lux

  • Thank you for writing this post. I am sick to death of being told “it’s democracy, get over it” today – the same people who can’t cope if someone disagrees with them, because how dare you impact on their freedom of speech? The hypocrisy is breathtaking.

    Yes the UK voted to leave but that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to care. Or be worried about our totally uncertain future. Or terrified when I hear about my Polish friend being told that she is a “f***ing Eastern European” and “there will be parties in the street now ‘you lot’ are leaving”

    The fact that so many people care so deeply about the result should be celebrated. I haven’t seen people this engaged with politics for a very long time. A lot of this might be rooted in fear, anger and disengagement but it is powerful and it shouldn’t be shut down. I can only hope that it can be turned into change – hopefully positive change but I’m struggling to believe that that is possible right now.

    Tomorrow is a new day.
    xx

    http://www.jessicainyourear.com

  • Thank you for writing this post. I am sick to death of being told “it’s democracy, get over it” today – the same people who can’t cope if someone disagrees with them, because how dare you impact on their freedom of speech? The hypocrisy is breathtaking.

    Yes the UK voted to leave but that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to care. Or be worried about our totally uncertain future. Or terrified when I hear about my Polish friend being told that she is a “f***ing Eastern European” and “there will be parties in the street now ‘you lot’ are leaving”

    The fact that so many people care so deeply about the result should be celebrated. I haven’t seen people this engaged with politics for a very long time. A lot of this might be rooted in fear, anger and disengagement but it is powerful and it shouldn’t be shut down. I can only hope that it can be turned into change – hopefully positive change but I’m struggling to believe that that is possible right now.

    Tomorrow is a new day.
    xx

    http://www.jessicainyourear.com

  • Amen.
    I voted to Remain, and I feel so angry and ashamed at this result. I wrote a post to vent too (http://www.octobersgirlblog.com/?p=4132), but I don’t think the shock’s fully sunken in yet. How can such a progressive country make such a backward decision?

  • Shannon Clark

    I couldn’t agree more! We are allowed to be upset, scared and angry at the fact that our future has been suddenly thrown up into the air, with no real solid plan for the next move, let alone for what will happen in the next few months or years! But tomorrow is a new day and there is hope in the fact that a huge portion of MPs wanted to remain. xx

    http://www.sweetserendipityblog.co.uk

  • As an immigrant, this vote was of the utmost importance to me. It sets the tone for the entire conversation for years to come. I’m privileged in that I am a white immigrant so I don’t have to fight many of the despicable stereotypes out there. But even so, I know the heartbreak of being forced to leave the country to apply for visas, and know that you might not be granted one. To spend thousands of pounds to stay with loved ones. To know that being married or in a civil partnership does NOT matter to the UK because you have to make above a certain amount of money to have your partner join you in the UK. (An amount per year that the majority of the UK does not make outside of London)

    Hopefully, the UK will be able to stay in the Common Market and therefore have to keep free movement open between European countries. Because I do not want to see my European family and friends suffer under the immigration restrictions this disgusting regime has already imposed.

    My heart breaks that the UK has turned its back on humanity and a sense of caring for the rest of the world. This decision will have a huge destabilising effect on everyone else, and I fear that June 24th will be one of those dates in the history books that we can pin as the starting point for future catastrophes.

    I cried last night during Farage’s 4am speech, this morning when the results were officially confirmed, and then again today at lunch for good measure.

  • As an immigrant, this vote was of the utmost importance to me. It sets the tone for the entire conversation for years to come. I’m privileged in that I am a white immigrant so I don’t have to fight many of the despicable stereotypes out there. But even so, I know the heartbreak of being forced to leave the country to apply for visas, and know that you might not be granted one. To spend thousands of pounds to stay with loved ones. To know that being married or in a civil partnership does NOT matter to the UK because you have to make above a certain amount of money to have your partner join you in the UK. (An amount per year that the majority of the UK does not make outside of London)

    Hopefully, the UK will be able to stay in the Common Market and therefore have to keep free movement open between European countries. Because I do not want to see my European family and friends suffer under the immigration restrictions this disgusting regime has already imposed.

    My heart breaks that the UK has turned its back on humanity and a sense of caring for the rest of the world. This decision will have a huge destabilising effect on everyone else, and I fear that June 24th will be one of those dates in the history books that we can pin as the starting point for future catastrophes.

    I cried last night during Farage’s 4am speech, this morning when the results were officially confirmed, and then again today at lunch for good measure.

  • It is a-ok to be upset-it’s really really bloody horrific. It’s fine to feel betrayed that the egos and lies of a few men have shaped the landscape of our country for years to come. Being upset doesn’t mean we won’t suck it up and make the best of a bad situation but we absolutely should grieve for what we’ve lost today.
    Well said Katy
    M X

  • Stephanie Hartley

    I woke up at 6am this morning to this news and was honestly so horrified and terrified I couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m a recent graduate and freelance writer – most of my work is for clients overseas and I rely on a strong pound to make my work worth it. Now I have no idea what to do. This is the most apt post I’ve seen about Brexit today. I just want to wake up to a better world again

    Steph – http://www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

  • I’m so so so sorry. I’m horrified and devastated and disappointed. And I can’t quite understand it. I called the UK my home for two years on an extended gap year, and I love the people I’ve met, the friendships I’ve formed, but also the freedom that came with travelling to a different country at a moment’s notice, something I had never experienced in Canada. I feel devastated for everyone who’s going to be affected by this…which as far as I can tell is the entire world…but mostly for all the people who will have to deal with the fallout of this mess directly. I know that this horrifying decision doesn’t represent the UK – so many people are generous and open to different cultures and ideas and ways of life.

  • I 100% agree with every part of this post. Yesterday I was gutted – I had stayed up all night to watch the result and felt, as you say, heartbroken, let down and really really pissed off.

    Young people are feeling this so much and that hurts me. As the result came in, I had to cry. That is my career, my plans to go and live away next year and my bank balance. Things just got a lot harder and I cannot believe that this is happening.

    But as you say, yesterday was for being angry and sad – today is for getting up, accepting that this shitty thing has happened and working out how we keep being good people and doing good things, working around it. I joined the labour party yesterday, and I hope that Corbyn can help us through this.

    As long as we, the people, are positive and spread love and appreciation for those around us – it isn’t all lost.

    Alice | Whiskey Jars Blog

  • I 100% agree with every part of this post. Yesterday I was gutted – I had stayed up all night to watch the result and felt, as you say, heartbroken, let down and really really pissed off.

    Young people are feeling this so much and that hurts me. As the result came in, I had to cry. That is my career, my plans to go and live away next year and my bank balance. Things just got a lot harder and I cannot believe that this is happening.

    But as you say, yesterday was for being angry and sad – today is for getting up, accepting that this shitty thing has happened and working out how we keep being good people and doing good things, working around it. I joined the labour party yesterday, and I hope that Corbyn can help us through this.

    As long as we, the people, are positive and spread love and appreciation for those around us – it isn’t all lost.

    Alice | Whiskey Jars Blog

  • I cried reading this Katie, so honest and true, and all done with out mud slugging people who voted differently to you! My life hasn’t been as tied up with the EU as yours has, but this vote has made me realised that one day I hoped it would be. One day I hoped my little sister would be working abroad like she wants to, and I could visit her, and show my children some of the world, and it be simple and human and not bureaucratic and messy. I’m upset today, and I will be for a while. My boss said for a moment it was like some one died, the shock and the blankness in my head and then just the overwhelming confusion and emotions. Thanks for sharing and cry as much as you need to xx

    http://www.teainyoourtwenties.com

  • I cried reading this Katie, so honest and true, and all done with out mud slugging people who voted differently to you! My life hasn’t been as tied up with the EU as yours has, but this vote has made me realised that one day I hoped it would be. One day I hoped my little sister would be working abroad like she wants to, and I could visit her, and show my children some of the world, and it be simple and human and not bureaucratic and messy. I’m upset today, and I will be for a while. My boss said for a moment it was like some one died, the shock and the blankness in my head and then just the overwhelming confusion and emotions. Thanks for sharing and cry as much as you need to xx

    http://www.teainyoourtwenties.com

  • I’m heartbroken too. 4% in any other poll is considered with the 5% of ‘margin of error’. I know people had their reasons for voting out, and I’ve finally seen the first I’d consider ‘valid’ come through, and although I do agree that the EU needs changing, it’s better to do so from the inside, work at change by being a part of something rather than going nope u know what let’s not. I shed silent tears when the results came in because it hit me that we’ve just said goodbye to 27 possible countries of work. My whole life has changed, my future plans and pretty much where I’m going to be living in 5-10 years time. :(

    It’s sad to see people turn their back on something that has kept us at peace for 40 years. It’s sad that people are saying it’ll’ve ended anyway so it’s good to get out now, because to me that’s running away from fixing problems. Above all I’m upset that the true reasons on both sides were clouded by a phantom immigration argument that resonated with far too many people in a globalised world. It shouldn’t be called a campaign, there was no truth. There was slander and low blows and it saddens and sickens me that people call it good politics :(

    Your post was beautifully written Katy. <3

    Fii | little miss fii | uk fashion & lifestyle

  • I’m heartbroken too. 4% in any other poll is considered with the 5% of ‘margin of error’. I know people had their reasons for voting out, and I’ve finally seen the first I’d consider ‘valid’ come through, and although I do agree that the EU needs changing, it’s better to do so from the inside, work at change by being a part of something rather than going nope u know what let’s not. I shed silent tears when the results came in because it hit me that we’ve just said goodbye to 27 possible countries of work. My whole life has changed, my future plans and pretty much where I’m going to be living in 5-10 years time. :(

    It’s sad to see people turn their back on something that has kept us at peace for 40 years. It’s sad that people are saying it’ll’ve ended anyway so it’s good to get out now, because to me that’s running away from fixing problems. Above all I’m upset that the true reasons on both sides were clouded by a phantom immigration argument that resonated with far too many people in a globalised world. It shouldn’t be called a campaign, there was no truth. There was slander and low blows and it saddens and sickens me that people call it good politics :(

    Your post was beautifully written Katy. <3

    Fii | little miss fii | uk fashion & lifestyle

  • We are all allowed to grieve and be upset, as at the end of the day this is going to affect all of our futures!

  • Heartbroken is exactly how I feel also. I spent most of Friday morning sobbing. My entire heritage is made up of a mishmash of European countries; I am the product of immigration. It makes me sick that to my stomach, but there is almost half the population united in this heartbreak and hopefully we will find a way to make the best of a fucked up situation. x

  • Charlotte Gransden

    I have been trying to write a post like this, but I could not have put it as well as you have.

  • This has summed up everything I feel about what happened – I am heartbroken and the more I think about it the worse I feel, it’s awful! x

  • Love this, Katy. My mum told me to just calm down and relax on Friday, but no, we’re all allowed to be heartbroken. I’m still heartbroken, though it’s a number sort of heartbreak. As an immigrant from the EU, this will affect me quite a bit, so I’m sad both for my own sake and for the UK and everyone living here who will be affected by the result. It’s such a sad, sad situation.

    Mimmi xx
    Muted Mornings

  • You are completely within your rights to feel this way. I believe that the issue is that a lot of people who voted to Exit now feel that people are campaigning against their votes. As a country, we have to move forwards – but as individuals we are still free to believe and feel as we want.

    http://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/

  • You are completely within your rights to feel this way. I believe that the issue is that a lot of people who voted to Exit now feel that people are campaigning against their votes. As a country, we have to move forwards – but as individuals we are still free to believe and feel as we want.

    http://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/