I never used to suffer from PMS.
(Or at least, I don’t think I did. My mother may say otherwise…)
But in the last year or so, it’s really started to affect me.
I mean, these are some of the actual thoughts that have been running around my crazy, hormone-ridden brain for the last few days…
1) Eurgh. So tired. So so tired. Really don’t want to go to work today.
2) Eurgh. None of my clothes fit me.
3) Nothing says professional like a really loose smock dress and a comfy old sweater right?
4) I really fancy a croissant for breakfast. Ooh and a pain au chocolat. Ooooh and maybe a pain au raisin to go with it.
5) I did already have peanut butter on toast at home though. Is that too much breakfast?
6) I’M SO HUNGRY.
7) Maybe shouldn’t have had that coffee. I feel all jittery and twisty and weird.
8) WHY ARE YOU WALKING SO FLIPPING SLOWLY OHMYGOD.
9) Seriously though. Why are children even allowed on the tube in the mornings?
10) DID YOU JUST BUMP INTO ME OHMYGOD I MIGHT ACTUALLY WHACK YOU WITH MY UMBRELLA.
11) Man, I’m feeling violent today. And angry. And hungry.
12) I’m such a horrible person sometimes.
14) WHY AM I CRYING? Oh God. All the emotions.
15) Seriously though. What the F is wrong with me today?!
16) Oh. Oh wait. What day is it?
17) Yep. PMS. Fuck.
18) OK I can deal with this. It’s only like a couple of days… and chocolate is meant to help with PMS right? So maybe I should definitely buy some chocolate. I mean, I’ll just be a raging hormonal queen otherwise. It’s only fair to the rest of the world that I buy a massive bag of Reese’s mini Peanut Butter Cups right?
19) I HATE MYSELF. I’M SO FAT AND HIDEOUS. WHY CAN I NOT STOP EATING.
21) Ooh cake.
22) I haven’t heard from Boyfriend today. I wonder what he’s doing. I’ve texted him and usually he’s quick fast at texting back. But it’s now been nearly half an hour and there’s no sign of him…
23) Oh God. He’s being all distant cos he’s going to break up with me isn’t he? He’s going to break up with me. WHY ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME.
24) Oh. He was in a meeting. My bad. Sorrysorrysorry. Hormones. #blameitonthehormones
25) Right. I’m having a salad for lunch. Because HEALTHY. I need to make up for breakfast. And the Reese’s. And the cupcake…
26) Oooh did someone say pizza?
27) I feel sick now.
28) I’m so tired. Why does PMS always make me want to nap so hard?
29) Ooooh someone just sent me a link to a Buzzfeed article about puppies. That will perk me up.
30) PUPPIES. *cries*
31) I’m so bloated. Eurgh. Maybe I should go for a run tonight. Yeah, I should definitely go for a run. Endorphins are meant to be good for curing PMS right?
32) But I’m really tired and emotional. Maybe I should go home and just nap and watch Netflix instead. My body needs rest.
33) I’ve literally done no actual work today. Must. Focus.
34) LOL cat videos.
35) I hate my job. I really suck at it and I’m going to be stuck here forever and all my friends are doing so well with life and getting promotions and holidays and stuff and I don’t know what to do and I hate myself.
37) BLOODY HORMONES.
PS. Mum, if you’re reading this: I’m sorry for the swears.
I promise it’s just the hormones.