My birthday is in less than 3 weeks time.
I’ll be 23, which sounds incredibly grown up doesn’t it? I feel like 22 is still pretty much 21, which is still pretty much 18. But 23? Oh boy.
The difference in just one year is huge. When I think of how much my life has changed, how many things I’ve achieved, how much I’ve learnt and how many ideas have been turned upside down in my mind… it feels like an absolute eternity.
And, lately, it’s been making me very introspective.
I’ve been questioning a lot about my life. Am I doing what I want to do? Am I on the right path to fulfilling my dreams? Am I spending my time wisely? (Yeah, that one is a big fat NO. #Twitter)
And most importantly: am I becoming the woman I want to be?
I think one of the biggest things that has changed for me this year has been how I approach conflict. I used to be very peace-loving. I still am, to be honest. I don’t like confrontation or arguments. I don’t like raised voices or unnecessary fights or violence.
But I’m realising more and more that becoming a woman means identifying the things that you will raise your voice for. It’s realising that there are values worth arguing for and people who need confronting for their actions.
For me, feminism is one of those causes.
FEMINISM. It seems to have become a dirty word recently.
It wasn’t until I came to university that I really grasped what feminism was. And to be honest, it’s a simpler concept than most people would believe. Look it up in the dictionary (Merriam-Webster) and this is what it says: “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.“
So it’s about equal opportunities and rights for all sexes.
I’ve got friends, both male and female, who ask me why there isn’t a male equivalent for the word “feminism”. Or, if it’s all about equality for everyone, why not call it “humanitarianism” or “egalitarianism”?
Well ladies and gents, that would be because men already have the opportunities and rights that so many women are still looking for. Feminism is about bringing women’s rights up to the same level as men’s.
I’m not gonna rattle off a string of numbers, but if you want the cold, hard facts, have a look at this article.
Or any of one of these:
- Men are currently being paid more than their female colleagues with the same level of education, experience and seniority.
- There are still more men than women in most top-level jobs.
- Men can walk home in the dark without holding their keys, ready to jab anyone who attacks them.
- Men won’t get catcalled or harassed as they cross the street (I’m currently bowing down to this awesome lady who’s trying to get catcallers to see the error of their ways!).
- They won’t get told that, because their trousers are too tight and they’ve had a couple of pints, it’s their own fault if they get attacked on their way home.
I could go on (trust me, I really could). But you get the point, right?
Yes, feminism has made terrific progress in improving the lives of hundreds of thousands of women all over the globe. Our lives are a million times pleasanter and easier than our ancestors’. We can vote (and absolutely should vote). We can go to university. We can become professors, doctors and recognised scientists. And yes, we’re definitely much closer to equal pay and opportunities than ever before.
But, crucially, we’re not there yet. Once you start looking, there’s discrimination, misogyny and inequality pretty much everywhere you look.
“You don’t need feminism” cos men already respect you? Well great. Fantastic. I genuinely am happy for you.
But what about everyone else?
What about your best friend, who studied hard to become a lawyer, and is currently paid less than her male colleagues? What about your little sister who gets whistled at, catcalled and harassed on the street as she walks to school?
I read an amazingly insightful blog post a couple of weeks ago by Elizabeth at Delightfully Tacky that totally bought this into focus for me. I really really urge you all to have a read of it, because she handles the subject much better and more eloquently than I ever could!
Just because you’re not personally suffering, or feeling oppressed, that doesn’t mean it’s not happening to someone else. Feminism isn’t about you or me, it’s about us. It’s about men and women standing together to support and help each other, to fight for each other and not against.
The whole idea of sisterhood seems to have fallen by the wayside in recent years. Women fighting each other over a cheating man. Women undermining each other on their way up the career ladder. Horrible forums dedicated to putting down women’s looks, voices and creative ideas…
Why?
There are far, FAR bigger fish to fry in the world. And how can we fight society’s outdated norms if we’re all fighting each other instead?
My female friends, family and colleagues have been a huge driving part in making me the woman I am today. Sure, I have male friends. Plenty of them in fact! I have a fab boyfriend, a brilliant father and a pretty awesome brother.
But my lady friends are the ones who understand me best.
In fact, they don’t just understand, they push me, catch me, support me, laugh with me, and cry with me. They’re the ones who have helped me decide what I want to do with my life.
They’re the people who inspire me to make the choices that will define who I want to be, where I want to go, what I want to say, and most importantly, what I want to fight for.
And I think that’s what becoming a woman is all about.
