I mentioned in this week’s Happy Monday post that I went to a blogger’s workshop on Saturday.
It was organised by the lovely Jessi at Nuffnang UK and I had an absolute blast!
I finally got to meet some of the lovely bloggers I’ve been chatting to for months as well as pick up a whole load of excellent tips on branding, design and photography from the guest experts.
One of the talks that had the most impact on me was Marlene‘s chat about her awe-inspiring project: The Sisterhood of the Travelling Jacket. In a (very simplified) nutshell: a group of incredibly brave women have shared their stories and photos, hoping to inspire and help other people going through awful experiences.
I’ve spent all week slowly reading and digesting their stories and I can’t recommend them enough. Raw, honest and filled with so much hope and inspiration. Definitely worth heading over to Marlene’s blog and having a read!
At the workshop, she also spoke about being Fearless.
She challenged all of us to share one thing we would do if we weren’t so afraid, and tag it on Twitter with #NNWorkshopFearless.
My “confession” was that I’ve always wanted to write a novel.
I have about 4 first chapters and pages and pages of notes and ideas for at least ten novels… but everytime I sit down to write, I psych myself out.
I’m scared my ideas aren’t good enough. I’m scared my writing isn’t up to scratch. I’m scared it won’t be good enough to publish and that people will hate it.
Which is just silly isn’t it? Because who’s to say anyone will ever even read it, let alone publish it etc. And why should I care if they DID hate it anyway?!
But that thought is always in the back of my brain, telling me I’m not good enough so why even bother trying.
I’m a perfectionist. I really dislike doing shoddy work, and just the thought of not being good enough has always been in the back of my head for years, stopping me from trying so many different and pushing me to quit activities and hobbies before I ever really even started them.
(Who knows? I could’ve been an incredible roller-hockey player or the next Taylor Swift, if only I’d stuck to my skating and guitar lessons…)
And so, this post.
I’m also an awful procrastinator (which apparently is part of the whole perfectionist thing). I’ve literally been sat at my keyboard for hours writing this, debating with myself what to share and what to hide. What I want you all to know about me vs. what I really want to project as an image of myself.
And then realised that DOH. I’m doing it again!
I’m afraid to put myself out there for fear of not being thought of as “good enough”.
So here we go.
Let’s get fear number 1 out of the way, shall we?
Things I would do if I were fearless…
(or, at least, not so afraid!)
* Write a dang-blasted novel.
Just write it. Get the story on paper. Who cares if it’s not great? No one has to read it except me!
* Approach brands I really reaaally want to work with and pitch some content ideas to them.
I’ve got so many ideas for stories and articles and blog posts, but I keep thinking that my stats aren’t good enough, my photos aren’t top-quality, my writing is too chatty and why on earth would brands want to work with me? And what if they think I’m being pushy? What if, what if.
I think I’m too good at “what if”.
* Go travelling on my own.
I love the idea of it but, in reality, I’m a scatter-brain who tends to lose things and then have a meltdown about it. I lost my Oyster card about two miles away from my house a few weeks ago and had a full-scale panic attack down the phone to Gary. Could you imagine what would happen if I were stuck in the middle of who-knows-where and lost my passport?!
* Freelance writing.
This is what I’d like to do professionally (eventually), but I’m so scared of what people (editors) might think of my writing, that I can barely sit myself down to write an article.
Which is ridiculous considering the ridiculous things I know I post on here every day!! If I were fearless, I’d just write and send them off to people EVERYWHERE.
But I think what I struggle with the most is that (again) I don’t trust my ideas. I don’t think my opinions are solid or educated enough to try and talk about things I don’t know personally.
So I bury my head in the sand and write about pizza instead.
(I really do love pizza though)
* I suffer from a pretty serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
I’ll always be the first person to say yes to group outings and the last one at to leave a party because I really really hate not being there when things are happening.
My best girlfriends always laugh at me for it, and I think I’ve got much better than I was in my uni days (5 night out a week say whuut), but it is still something I need to work on…
* I’d talk to more people.
Again, something I’ve got a lot better at but still need to work on. This whole blind-date meet-a-blogger thing is really helping me perfect my awkward introduction followed by even awkward-er conversation.
But it is helping.
It’s getting me out there, meeting new people, forcing me to face my fear of being thought of as a weirdo and just do it, just start talking and calm the hell down cos who cares if they think you’re weird?! (Breathe, Katy…)
(And yes, OK, I care. I care a lot. More than I’d like to admit. But hey. It’s a work in progress right?)
Aaaand I think I’m done for the day.
Blehhhhh.
Sorry. I’m not very good at the soul-baring thing.
There’s a reason why I tend to write about pizza and clothes and makeup you know!
My brain is starting to melt from all the introspectiveness…
Tell me: what would you do if you weren’t afraid?
I’d love it if y’all would jiggy with the comment box and let me know what your fears are! :)
